Lachlan Connor, Independent

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to leave questions or feedback on this blog. You’ve certainly got me thinking with your thought provoking comments. I’ll respond as best I can.

Orry said: I would like to ask the prospective candidate what his feelings are with regard to the rights of free asssociation for goldfish? I currently fear that a creeping malaise exists in suburban Australia which is allowing us to overlook the fact that thes creatures are being held captive and denied their freedom and their rights. The fact that we hold them captive in a “tank” is indicative of the militaristic culture thet prevails. The time to free the fish has arrived. Flush them down the dunny.

And Adam said: Y’know, I agree with you there. I woke up not distraught at all, but still in a mindset of intrigue, after I had a dream of a dying goldfish. In my dream, I declared that goldfish shouldn’t be in fishtanks, but in oceans. Free the fish.

Well, Orry and Adam, I have to say that as a fish owner you’ve put me in a spot. I never considered that my fish were leading bad lives but you’ve caused me to reconsider that notion. And if I am to champion anti-fish ownership legislation then I would certainly need to do something about my own pets first. Believe me when I say that I am giving this issue the most serious consideration and I will make further announcements over time.

Christine Keeler said: My neighbours are arseholes. If elected, what will you do about it?

Christine, as your elected representative I would put you in touch with the relevant bodies for resolution of your problem. If you lived close to me I would come around myself and give you the benefit of my pretty good conflict resolution skills.

joe2 said: Another thing, you know how there is a move to get rid of nude beaches in Victoria? Do you support these god bothering prudes who want to stop healthy fun loving guys and gals frolic in the birthday suit? Note we don’t mind if there are no nude beaches in winter.

I think it’s disgraceful, joe2. The prudes, that is, not the nude beaches. If people want to go to a beach as the Flying Spaghetti Monster intended then who are we to stop them? I will most certainly make the protection of nude bathing rights a policy of mine.

Kate said: What will you do to ensure a Vic team wins the Grand Final within the next decade?

I wish I could do something, Kate, but I’m afraid all I can do is barrack my heart out for anyone but Collingwood. It’s the only decent thing to do.

Johnny Quest said: Do you support the amputation of pigeon wings and sewing them together to make huge bus-shelters?

Um, no. Was that an automatically generated comment from a spam bot?

Lynn White said: Lachlan, we need your fresh modern voice in politics. Don’t be put off by the emergence of your ex, who is only seeking to drag your name into the mud because she is jealous about the lost opportunity of being your political spouse. Seems like having a nasty ex is de rigeur for politicians these days – after all, Mark Latham had one. It’s really good to see you placing your feelings on the record about it too.

Candid modern politics. That’s what we want.

Thankyou, Lynn, for your kind words. It’s an honour to be of service.

Lachlan Connor

Thanks so much to all the people who have taken the time to leave questions for me on this blog. I will try to answer them as best I can.

J,The asked: what is your position on the Federal / State management of water rights in Australia, particularly in light of the current drought?
I am very much in favour of federal and state management of water rights, J,The, because the alternative — mismanagement of water rights — would be disasterous for Australia given the current drought.

Greeny asked: What is your stance on cops? I reckon they’re shit and wish there were less of them.
I’m sorry, Greeny, but I can’t agree with you. The members of our police force do an excellent and crucial job. They are the cornerstone of our society. I do hate the corrupt ones, though. I wish there were less of those. And less of the ones on horses too. What’s with using horses in the police force in the 21st century anyway? Isn’t that what V8 Holdens were invented for?

Not an extreme green, note the lower case “g” asked: are you a pagan nature-worshipping latte-sipping arts-degree-getting homopedophile socialist, or will you be putting our families first at the next election?
Let’s go through those one at a time:
Pagan: No. Atheist.
Nature-worshipping: I love the great outdoors and I support nature.
Latte-sipping: The latte is my preferred coffee beverage but I tend to gulp it quickly rather than sip because I like my coffee hot.
Arts-degree-getting: I do not have a tertiary qualification.
Homopedophile: What is that anyway? Does it mean a peadophile that only molests kids of the same gender as themselves? Regardless, my answer is “no” to all possible interpretations.
Socialist: I love going out socially and enjoying a beer and a laugh with my friends.
Putting families first: I despise the “family” rhetoric creeping into mainstream politics thanks to those nutbag pentecostal Family First crazies. However, I value families as much as any other type of citizen.

Keep your questions coming in, everyone. I really love this ongoing conversation with the people.

Lachlan Connor.